I first heard about Death Wish Coffee about a year and a half ago. In August 2014, I finally joined the smartphone craze with a Samsung Galaxy S4 and made an Instagram; one of the first pictures I posted was one of a VPX Bang energy drink (y’know, ’cause if you are on that photocentric app/site, you’ve gotta use it for what it was meant for: either food, drinks or memes).

Of the ‘likes’ it received, one of the users was deathwishcoffee. I checked the name out. Checked out their website. Huh, I thought. World’s strongest coffee? Sounds like a gimmick. I left.

A little while ago, I saw them pop up again. Once again, I took a gander at their site. I still figured they were nothing more than a gimmick. I mean, the logo is of a skull, and one of their biggest selling points is their high caffeine content. Plus, it’s a dark roast. I’m not a dark roast kind of guy, usually, because most dark roasts taste too bitter or burnt to me, not to mention light roasts typically wield a higher caffeine profile. However, Death Wish Coffee uses a mixture of robusta beans and some arabica, I believe (someone correct me if I’m wrong).

So, I looked up reviews. Lots of praise. There are some detractors, but I never saw anyone detest the taste of the coffee. Most of the negative reviews were of people complaining that the coffee wasn’t as strong as advertised. These people are basing their review on that either because, a.) they have a high caffeine tolerance, or b.) they didn’t follow the instructions of two and a half tablespoons per six ounces of water.

But the biggest praise I noticed was for their customer service department. Look, the first thing a business should square away as soon as it can is its customer service. If you have a group of veritable, molecular structured shitheads working for your customer service department, you will lose customers no matter how formidable what you are selling is. The bottom line is, if you genuinely care about your customers, then you will find that they’ll reciprocate that love. “Troy, what’s yurr business experience?!” It’s in my blood, I’d like to hope. I watched my father work his charismatic business acumen when I was growing up. I saw the daily grind, the work ethic, the commitment. All of that. He was the man and knew how to run an f’n business, but I digress.

I bit the bullet and ordered a pound of the original Death Wish Coffee and the Valhalla Java Odinforce Blend (a medium roast inspired by and created for guitarist Zakk Wylde).


It’s no gimmick, folks.

I’m a stimulant junkie. I love caffeine. I love it many forms: coffee, caffeine pills, low to no carb energy drinks, Perky Jerky… I enjoy it. I’d like to assert that I imbibe caffeine responsibly, but I would never suggest the amount I consume for anybody else.

Death Wish Coffee is strong, but it’s just the right amount of strength. And when I say it’s strong, I’m particularly talking about its flavor. It features dark chocolate and cherry undertones (I drink it black, because I’m all about coffee flavored coffee). It’s not a bitter, dark roast like I was terrified of. It’s the smoothest coffee I’ve ever consumed in my entire life. As for the caffeine kick, yes, it packs one. I’m a busy guy. I’m constantly on the grind, embracing the ol’ said grind, trying to stay on top of my day to day life. Yesterday, in particular, was a long and strenuous day. Death Wish Coffee brought me through it. I’m going to be a repeat customer, no doubt about it. I swear by this company.

Sure, I could take my $4 bottle of ProLab caffeine pills that are 200mg a pop and completely rely on those, but I like the ritual of drinking coffee. I like the smell of it as it brews. I like the act of drinking it. The warmth. The taste. I love it. Thanks, Death Wish Coffee.

The price isn’t bad at all. $19.99 for a pound of coffee. Less if you subscribe. If you think that’s expensive, consider what you are spending on your daily Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts trips. A large (er… “venti” at Starbucks) black coffee is close to around $3 bucks (including tax) at both places. After a week, you are already spending more at those establishments than for your Death Wish coffee. Not to mention wasting gas sitting in the drivethru waiting for the smelly, unwashed, devoid-of-antiperspirant hipsters in front of you to finish ordering their double mocha, soy infused, low fat, extra sugar, extra bullshit latte.

Skip the line. Make some Death Wish coffee in your home, which only takes a couple of minutes. If you are pressed for time, wake up earlier.

They are about to boom. They won a contest for small businesses to be featured in an advertisement for Super Bowl 50 thanks to Intuit Quickbooks, so when their ad runs this Sunday evening, you best believe much of their coffee will be on backorder next week.

death wish super bowl

This is the first time I’ve ever promoted a coffee company. I’m not a coffee snob. There’s probably an obscure coffee company out there that creates better (subjective) tasting coffee than Death Wish. However, their customer service may be lacking, they may not feature badass mugs, they could be deficient in other areas. I don’t really care. I’d rather support a quality business whose customer service is the cream of the crop over some shoddy business whose coffee tastes marginally better.

Give Death Wish Coffee a shot if you like good, strong but not bitter coffee. Just be prepared to expend that psychoactive stimulant-induced energy when you brew you a few cups.

Here’s their Super Bowl 50 ad that will be airing this Sunday. Pretty awesome, if you ask me:

Stay caffeinated, my friends.


One thought on “Death Wish Coffee — Fiercely Caffeinated, Relentlessly Strong, Undeniably Kickass

  1. I want the full impact of the ad to “boost” me during the game coverage so I’ll hold off on watching it now. For a couple of reasons my caffeine intake is restricted for the rest of this life but I still will occasionally go all in on a cup or two. Love the smell. Love the taste. Love the warmth. This sounds great and I’ll let you know if I have a “Death Wish.” (couldn’t wait to type that…)

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