cm punk ufc

Look in my eyes,
What do you see?
An MMA fighter-to-be

I know the MMA purists are butthurt!
I’m not sure what’s worst!
Oooh oooh!
Iiiiiiiiiii’m a Cult of Personality

So my days of concocting parodies of songs need a little bit of work in current times, but it’d be cool if the band Living Colour could edit their own piece of work for Phil “CM Punk” Brooks for his first fight in the UFC during his walkout.

I’m finally touching this subject after waiting a few days to settle down from watching Johny “Little Rigg” Hendricks rightfully lose his UFC welterweight title to Robbie Lawler. A little bit before Saturday night’s big event, my lifelong best friend/de facto brother, “T.O.”, asked me, “What’s this I hear about CM Punk doing MMA?” and I said, “Eh, I know he’s trained at the Gracie Academy, some Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, but not enough to actually fight.”

Then, low and behold, after the Tony Ferguson/Abel Trujillo fight, Mike Goldberg said that Joe Rogan had a “big announcement”, and moments later Rogan was standing there with CM Punk, when it was announced Brooks (Punk) had signed a contract with the UFC.

Here’s the background of CM Punk: he’s a former pro wrestler with a huge following that felt disgruntled with Vince McMahon (damn it! — had to do that, too) and the WWE, and so he walked out of the company back in January. Before this Saturday, the last I’d heard of him was that he’d been signed to write for Marvel.

I was a huge pro wrasslin’ fan when I was a kid. Stone Cold Steve Austin and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson were my heroes. I grew out of it, but over the years since I’d occasionally tune into a Monday Night Raw just to tap into the ol’ nostalgia stores. People call pro wrasslin ‘fake’, but what it really is, is scripted. I mean, you don’t go watch a movie and bemoan it as fake, right? In pro wrasslin’, everything is predetermined, and it’s actually a pretty tough entertainment industry when you think about what these guys are doing: putting their bodies on the line over 300 days of the year, trying to perform well enough and not seriously hurt whoever they are performing in the ring with. One could probably argue that it’s tougher to be a pro wrestler than it is to be a mixed martial artist due to the physical damage one sustains over time compared to somebody who only fights twice or so a year. Even if it is scripted, you have to trust the person (or people) you are in the ring with to not seriously fuck your body up, and with some of the goddamn moves they do, it’s always a possibility.

Now, with that said, I’m concerned with CM Punk’s abilities in the octagon. So, he’s been training at the Gracie Academy, but for what I or anybody else knows is that he’s only a white belt in BJJ (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu). I have no idea what else he’s dabbled into (I’ve read that he’s had a little bit of experience in muay thai).

The thing is, CM Punk is going to inevitably run into a fighter that’s spent their entire lives training in mixed martial arts, and that fighter is going to fuck Punk up. No hyperbole.

CM Punk is 36-years-old and only just now doing mixed martial arts for the first time. MMA legend Randy Couture started MMA at about this age, too, but you can’t compare the two, because Couture was an Olympic level wrestler. Punk has no experience in that kind of wrestling.

This is what most detractors are saying:

CM Punk is just trying to be like Brock Lesnar!

Not really. Lesnar was a national champion, collegiate wrestler in Minnesota. Not comparable, really. The only thing these two have in common as of now is their experience with pro wrasslin’.

This is the general consensus of what detractors are mostly complaining about:

The Coke joke is in regards to CM Punk having a tattoo of the Pepsi logo. Punk purports to be "straight edge".
The Coke joke is in regards to CM Punk having a tattoo of the Pepsi logo. Punk purports to be “straight edge”.

This is going to be a win-win situation for the UFC, regardless of the outcome of Punk’s fight(s). They’ll get the surge in popularity thanks to Punk’s fanbase, and if Punk loses, oh well, because he’s currently easily the biggest draw in the UFC and the money will come flying in.


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