Usually, the idea of playing fantasy football makes me want to shotgun a 1 liter bottle of Skyy Vodka.

How can something that appears to be so innocuous induce such an effect on yours truly?

Because I’m competitive as hell, and the shtick of fantasy football virtually guarantees that you are going to be rooting against your favorite team(s) in some form or fashion.

After avoiding the fantasy football abyss, having not played in a league since 2005, some of my friends coaxed me into signing up to join a league with them, and now that I have, shotgunning that aforementioned bottle of Skyy Vodka is looking like an inevitable prospect at some point.

This weekend, I’m starting Shane Vereen and the New England Patriots’ defense. They are playing the Miami Dolphins. I, of course, in my heart, want the Dolphins to beat the absolute hell out of the Patsies, but because I’m in the throes of competition, my testosterone-fueled desire to decisively dominate the competition is too strong, and thus my hopes for Vereen to run all over the Phins and for the Pats’ D to lock Ryan Tannehill and Co. down are trumping the former.

My opponent? He wields Adrian Peterson… and the St. Louis Rams’ defense.

Holy shit.

That’s a lose-lose situation for yours truly. My opponent is notching some points regardless.

Damn you, friends for coercing me into playing this shit.

Damn you, fantasy football for putting a fan into this quagmire of pigskin misfortunes.

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