Yours truly is long-winded when he talks or writes, but Stephen A. Smith has me beat. Watch one episode of ESPN’s “First Take” and you’ll understand this valid point. Speaking of points, the dude never knows when to shut the fuck up and get straight to the point of his arguments with the guy that was trolling at the Worldwide Leader before anybody dubbed “trolling” what it is, Skip Baylass. Brevity is the soul of wit? Bullshit! If anyone’s anti-brevity, quite frankly it’s Stephen A.

I reckon the guy makes up words as he goes along. I’m convinced that he reads thesauruses daily and, during arguments with Skip, he probably busts out some new words and adds to them by unnecessarily creating fake words to use in place of real adjectives to describe the “transitional, apocalyptic exuberance of the dexterous play of LeBron James” — some shit like that. I’m not a detractor; I just think it’s comical that it sometimes takes ESPN 25 minutes before they can roll to a commercial break because of how goddamn long-winded this former Philadelphia Inquirer journalist is.

Imagine if Stephen A. Smith penned the Declaration of Independence. Holy fuck.

One could probably make breakfast, clean their house, take a dog or three for a walk, shoot pool and drink a fifth of whiskey before Stephen A. gets to his damn points in arguments.

Here’s a faux example of the strange shit that he emits:

“I find it indubitably preposterous for one to sit there and surmise that Andrew Bynum could have possible extracted the sucrose-rich and laden icing from that ostentatious cupcake with his basic human biological functions and sublimate that caloric energy into dropping 9 points on the Toronto Raptors last night”.

Frank Caliendo has this sumbitch down PERFECTLY:


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