Houston, you sons-ah-bitches have a problem.

Yeah, I understand, Sam Bradford isn’t a shining beacon of light for my beloved St. Louis Rams, but at least there are bigger problems for the ol’ Lambs to deal with asides from the quarterback position.

The Houston Texans blew it. I mean, they blew the hell out of it, like a in-need-of-cash pornstar who’s been pining for it. Houston had a 20-0 lead on the undefeated Seattle Seahawks this past Sunday. It was at Reliant Stadium. 20-3 at halftime. In the fourth quarter, with about 6-7 minutes to go in the game, the Texans ran a play-action fake to the outside that originally looked like running back Arian Foster was going to take the ball and push his way into a first down, but Schaub pulled the ball back and seemingly without looking (the dude is blind, by choice!) tossed that sumbitchin’ ball up into the air — a fucking lob on third and one — to tight end Owen Daniels with Richard Sherman draped all over Daniels, and it was picked off by the insatiable DB (defensive back AND douchebag) Sherman and took back to the house. 20-20.

Fuck you, Matt Schaub.

The Rams played last Thursday night and were destroyed. I had the entire Sunday to watch football, and I tried to avoid the catastrophe that occurred in Houston. I sided with the Minnesota Vikings/Pittsburgh Steelers game that was happening in London, which was enjoyable, since the Squeelers lost. But as soon as that game was over, I flipped over to the Shesquawks and Texans and that pick-6 happened. Goddamn it.

I’ve never been a believer in Schaub. I’ve read countless arguments on the internet that say this, that or the other about how he’s not getting enough respect from jackass bloggers like yours truly, but the bottom line is that he’s a usually solid regular season quarterback that can’t get the job done in the postseason. Who cares that they’ve beaten the Bengals in the playoffs in back to back years? The Bengals underperform when it counts more than the Texans do!

Don’t bring up stats. I don’t give a who-diddly shit about how many 400 yard games the dude’s had. Eye test. The eye test, people. That’s what I rely on, and what I see of Schaub is this: a guy that’s surrounded by superior talent and still can’t get the job done. I feel much the same about Matt Ryan in Atlanta, but that’s another post for another time.

I don’t accredit that loss entirely to Schaub — Gary Kubiak deserves the blame, too, for shifting to a conservative gameplan in the second half and allowing Seattle to storm back (giving up that 4th down play to Russ Willy (Russell Wilson) was pathetic).

The Texans have the 49ers on this upcoming Sunday night, I reckon.

The Rams play the Texans later this season. I’m sure Schaub will throw for 400-500 yards on the inexplicably worse-than-last-season Rams’ secondary and I’ll have to deal with the extolling of goddamn Schaub after that game even though it seems that any 13-year-old, pimple poppin’ junior varsity quarterback could probably pick apart the Rams’ secondary considering how this season has gone.

Damn it.


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