I hate Kobe Bryant. I really do. I hate the way he looks on the court. I hate that stupid-ass smug grin he gets on his face. I hate the never-die attitude he possesses. I hate the fade-away shots he always makes. I hate the 3 point baskets. I hate the way he’s won five championships. I hate the fact that people discuss him in all-time great conversations. I hate how he’s always keeping his team at the top of the league.

I hate Kobe Bryant.

Kobe Bryant sucks. He sucks so much that he has won five NBA championship rings at this point. He sucks so much that even at the age of 32 and battling injuries, he’s still getting shit done. Kobe Bryant sucks so much that he’s setting his own standards for when it comes to forming his opinions and sticking to them (unlike LeBron James’ recent blurbs that he’s retracted). Kobe Bryant sucks so much that he could retire now and his numbers would speak for themselves.

Kobe Bryant sucks.

I just said the word “sucks” in reference to Kobe Bryant seven times (including the title; not including the time in this paragraph). At any rate, I also gave him props and credit. I didn’t have to, but I did, just like any good guy would, right? Actually I did because I know the post title “Why Kobe Bryant Sucks” will draw a lot of people into reading this post, and because of the fact that controversy creates discrepancy, arguments and a lot of butt-hurt people, paired with the fact that nobody likes to read feel-good stories anymore, the opportunity to pull a prank on the blogging universe is GREAT!

I honest-to-your-higher-power have such an amazing disdain for Kobe Bryant. I have truly never enjoyed his on-court aura, his off-court aura or the overall person he’s projected himself to be to the media, the person the media has projected him as, etc. But I digress.

Kobe gets “it“. He gets “it” done. He wins. He hits game winners and pisses off opposing teams’ fans (and rightfully so). He’s arrogant. He’s selfish. He’s an asshole.

That’s why he wins. Arrogance, selfishness and an asshole demeanor.

But Troy… the media says he’s an amazing leader and so do a lot of basketball fans!

So? He can still be selfish and be a formidable leader. Of course, the Celtics did beat the living dogshit out of the Lakers in game six of the 2008 NBA Finals and Kobe just gave up halfway through the game, along with the team, in “herp derp” fashion. The team saw what he was doing and mirrored the attitude. ‘Loved it. It’s not the only time Kobe Bryant has did this either.

Yet Kobe and the Lakers came back a year later and smacked the Orlando Magic all to hell. The next year they bid adieu battle with the Celtics and ousted the C’s in the final minutes of game seven. I’m proud of the Celtics, though — they didn’t quit, and they played with integrity and intensity against their worthy opponents.

I hate Kobe Bryant, but over the past year I’ve learned something. Two things actually. “If you resent success, you’ll never achieve it.” So, while I do have some major disdain for Kobe (which explains my vitriolic comments), he’s an extreme success. I’m not going to argue that (and if I did, I would hope that any rationally grounded person would kick my ass).

What else did I learn? When you judge a person, and in this case the person is a professional athlete (using the term professional loosely, of course, in the case of Kobe), NEVER judge them from their failures. Always judge their successes. Bill Belichick did jack shit coaching the Cleveland Browns of the NFL. What has he done in New England? Always judge a person by their successes, not their failures.

With that said, I’ll leave you with two things:

1.) I really, really hope the Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers match up in the Finals again, this year. I really, really, really want to see the Celtics backhand the living hell out of the Lakers and take what is rightfully theirs: the Larry O’Brien trophy. No more bullshit, no more playing around. It’s personal. It’s time to treat the Lakers like the way they did before the 1980s. Ass-whoopin’s after ass-whoopin’s.

2.) If you are a Kobe fan, Lakers fan or just a fan, I hope you are genuinely irked after reading this blog filled with a high level of hypocrisy, bitterness, depravity and obnoxious arrogance. I also hope you enjoyed.

Until next time….

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