I knew the Boston Celtics had gone straight to hell when, after winning the NBA Finals on June 17, 2008, they gave coach Doc Rivers a five year contract. Does that explain the eerie coincidences this season? I don’t know. After starting the season with the best start in franchise history, the Celtics went downhill, due to not only injuries but poor play. The reasons for the injuries? Nadda. Poor play? Nadda.

The undermanned Celtics are likely going to fall to the Orlando Magic in this next upcoming series. If you disagree, then please do enlighten me on how Dwight Howard can be restrained. Sure, Rajon Rondo owns the point guard matchup with Rafer ‘can’t hit 3’s and sucks big D’ Alston, Courtney Lee — used as a defender esque player — should give Ray Allen fits, Paul Pierce is a much more well rounded player than Hedo Turkoglu but Turkoglu always seems to give the Celtics’ defense fits on the other end, Glen Davis up against Rashard Lewis is a huge mismatch in favor of the Magic if you count out the points, and Dwight Howard will have to be double teamed (eventually), in effect leaving somebody else on the Magic open.

So while the run ends here, at least the Celtics won at least one playoff series with a play-it-sensitive lineup. Some notes:

— Rajon Rondo played like an absolute man in every single game of this series. Yet ESPN and Celtics haters were too busy stroking the Chicago Bulls’ Derrick Rose the entire series (when he only had about two or three memorable performances alone). In the absence of Kevin Garnett (part of the heart and soul of the Celtics), Rondo stepped up his game to a level that not even Celtics fans have ever saw. This is not to slight Derrick Rose. This is to just make a cogent point.

— Paul Pierce, who’s over 30 years old, played in so many damn minutes during this series, which is amazing. The guy has played in about 1,000-some career NBA games now. And once players hit that number, they start to wear down — and while Pierce has deteriorated over the years (partially because of his knees weakening as injuries have whittled them down), he’s still, love him or hate him, in the words of Shaquille O’Neal, the “motherfucking Truth.”

— I wrote a blog before the series on TSTOS talking about how Ray Allen would be key in this series. Without question, he was. For the Celtics to have any kind of success, his shooting (or at least any kind of his scoring presence) has to be there.

— Brian Scalabrine, who’s more of a comedian than a basketball player, has practically gotten more minutes in the post season than he ever did in the regular season. Just goes to show the ornery effect that the injuries have posed to the Celtics as a team. Not to mention I think he spends more time tearing down McMuffins from Mickey D’s than getting his swag on in practice. You, Sir Scalabrine, are a true dollar-millionaire.

As aforementioned, all will likely end in the Semi-Finals, but then again, it will provide dividends for the 2009-2010 Celtics thanks to rest and, all above else, composure. Doc Rivers, this is your opportunity to take the time to read up on “Coaching for Dummies.” Or just be the mediocre coach that you are next season, too. I’d expect the latter, anyway.

Chicago will likely make a solid acquisition this year — perhaps a pure post player — and will return next year as a force (unless Vinnie Del Negro and John Paxon decide to butcher the team, either by shoddy moves or skeezy coaching).

In the meantime: Hey Joakim Noah, your mother said to be a good boy and get rid of that atrocious hair, y’know? And also, what’s up with all the people typing in “JOAKIM NOAH MOM MILF LOVE” to find a blog that I wrote — prodding Noah, of course — two years ago after the ’07 NBA Draft? Anyway, thanks, to all the people typing that in and of course Noah’s mom.

Maybe Doc Rivers will congregate with Del Negro during the off-season after the Celtics are jettisoned following the next series, and they’ll discuss an acrobatic plan to remove Noah’s hair during a game in next year’s regular season, which, as you already should know, will be more physical than a Tony Parker/Eva Longoria love-making session.

Alright, that’s that. This year’s playoffs seem more predictable than this past year’s college football BCS finish. Call it: Cleveland over Los Angeles in the Finals (although I wish I could say Cleveland over Denver — WHO THE HELL WANTS TO WATCH THE LAKERS?! NO-BAH-DEE.)


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