Forget the guy’s stats. An angry Tim Tebow is the most destructive force in college football. Florida has played extremely well since the Ole Miss loss, but watch how Tebow carries himself on the field. He’s not looking to advance the ball; he’s looking to score. He is not looking to win; he is looking to destroy you. Tebow is like Paul Bunyan and Danny Wuerffel rolled into one dude.
But he’s a douche.
Has there ever been anybody in the history of college football that has been more annoying to see deal with the media? I mean, here you have him and here’s how Mr. Tebow appears to the media: Tebow sits back with the Disney-induced “must fix what’s right” Ombudsman Chris Connelly himself. Tebow appears in a sleekly Mr. Rogers-doused baby blue sweater, khaki jeans, Christian-bible-thumpin’-esque Bible-man shoes — all decked out with greased up hair, all while reeking of baby lotion, all the while telling Connelly how much he loves the world and wants to do the good of the deed and pick weeds out of his own ass.
So after a week that was chock full of ass-kissing love by Tebow where he comprised a bunch of jargon like “Alabama has a great defense, we respect them a lot, we’re going to have to work hard towards our goal that’s attacking any weakness they show, etc.” to sound like a good fella, he took the Crimson Tide to town, and there certainly wasn’t any Roll Tide — more like the Tide was being rolled OVER by Tebow and Co. Carl Moore, David Nelson and Riley Cooper caught one touchdown a piece in Florida’s 31-20 SEC title win over ‘Bama.
(SIDE NOTE: Bill Simmons has a category for athletes who have names that sound like girls’ names called the Lindsey Hunter All-Stars. Add Riley Cooper to the list. Sure, Riley can be a boy’s name, but I keep thinking of that one character from the movie Otis.)
I’m trying to decipher the code here! Tebow is a real goody two shoes to the media, and acts like a real goody two shoes on the football field when he’s on the sidelines. But I’m convinced that the guy is the phoniest douchebag in college football. J.D. Salinger needs to turn on his 1947 television set (if it still works), observe Tebow’s aura and go into Holden Caulfield mode and try to figure out the phony that is Tim Tebow. If not, then I guess we’re doomed to wait until Tebow’s NFL career takes off to uncover the phony douche that is Tebow.
Until then, I’ll continue to bash the hell out of all that’s good and prod the nectar of all that’s bad.