Forget the guy’s stats. An angry Tim Tebow is the most destructive force in college football. Florida has played extremely well since the Ole Miss loss, but watch how Tebow carries himself on the field. He’s not looking to advance the ball; he’s looking to score. He is not looking to win; he is looking to destroy you. Tebow is like Paul Bunyan and Danny Wuerffel rolled into one dude.

But he’s a douche.

Has there ever been anybody in the history of college football that has been more annoying to see deal with the media? I mean, here you have him and here’s how Mr. Tebow appears to the media: Tebow sits back with the Disney-induced “must fix what’s right” Ombudsman Chris Connelly himself. Tebow appears in a sleekly Mr. Rogers-doused baby blue sweater, khaki jeans, Christian-bible-thumpin’-esque Bible-man shoes — all decked out with greased up hair, all while reeking of baby lotion, all the while telling Connelly how much he loves the world and wants to do the good of the deed and pick weeds out of his own ass.

So after a week that was chock full of ass-kissing love by Tebow where he comprised a bunch of jargon like “Alabama has a great defense, we respect them a lot, we’re going to have to work hard towards our goal that’s attacking any weakness they show, etc.” to sound like a good fella, he took the Crimson Tide to town, and there certainly wasn’t any Roll Tide — more like the Tide was being rolled OVER by Tebow and Co. Carl Moore, David Nelson and Riley Cooper caught one touchdown a piece in Florida’s 31-20 SEC title win over ‘Bama.

(SIDE NOTE: Bill Simmons has a category for athletes who have names that sound like girls’ names called the Lindsey Hunter All-Stars. Add Riley Cooper to the list. Sure, Riley can be a boy’s name, but I keep thinking of that one character from the movie Otis.)

I’m trying to decipher the code here! Tebow is a real goody two shoes to the media, and acts like a real goody two shoes on the football field when he’s on the sidelines. But I’m convinced that the guy is the phoniest douchebag in college football. J.D. Salinger needs to turn on his 1947 television set (if it still works), observe Tebow’s aura and go into Holden Caulfield mode and try to figure out the phony that is Tim Tebow. If not, then I guess we’re doomed to wait until Tebow’s NFL career takes off to uncover the phony douche that is Tebow.

Until then, I’ll continue to bash the hell out of all that’s good and prod the nectar of all that’s bad.


12 thoughts on “Tim Tebow is a Douche

  1. your an idiot! Tebow is a competitor!!! If you have ever played an organized sport, you would know that an athlete has to be multi-dimensional. Especially on the tough field of football. “Nice guys finish last” is said for a reason. I have in the back of my mind, those guys like Marcos Vick, let’s not forget Michael, as well as Lawrence Phillips. These are guys that are dirtbags 24/7. If they had half a brain, they would take out their anger on the field, not on girlfriends, wife’s, dogs,etc. You play the game of football to win. Get that? WIN!!! If you had any sense, you would be able to see that Tim Tebow spends his time off helping people. Doing mission work, in the Philippines. His father is a minister. He is by far the farthest thing from a douche, that my friend appears to be the hater in you talking!!!

    1. Tebow is a huge douche. The guy is a phenomenal athlete, and an unbelieveable talent. If Florida beat Alabama and then won the National Championship, there would be no doubt in my mind he would be the best college football player of all time. But he would still be one of the biggest douches of all time as well.

  2. Wish I would have seen this sooner. Funny though, I found it by google searching ” Tim Tebow is a douchebag. I am f-ing sick of the media crush and his stupid ass school boy act. No one is saying he is a patsy and I will even give him being one of the best college athletes ever but he needs to cut the crap. He irritates me with his phony school boy act and I wish the media would quit polishing is twig and giggle berries every time I’m trying to watch anything sports related.

  3. Gee….Golly….Gosh…….If he became an atheist would that undouche him???
    If he didn’t believe in Jesus, would that make him a nice guy??? If he didn’t build a hospital in the Philippines would that also undouche him??? Well, I just saw him take the Jets apart in the fourth quarter and then I saw him praise his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I say he’s as real as love itself…God love him now and forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. How’s he done the last few weeks Shane? Is God punishing him? If his success was because of his jesus love then what of his failures?

  5. Jesus Christ loves Tim Tebow whether he wins 3 consecutive Super Bowls or ends up homeless in Grand Central Station. The fact that he’s a football player is incidental. Come on Bilbo, you’re smarter than that!!…..and by the way, Jesus loves you too…….whether you believe it or not!!

  6. How’s he done the last few weeks Shane? Is God punishing him?

    How’d he do against the Patriots last week? Looks like God took a big old dump on Timmy’s self-righteous head.

    1. Let me get this one straight……Tim Tebow is a young, healthy, super athlete who won two national championships and the Heisman. He “plays” not “works” for a living, and makes an awful lot of money doing it. He is a starting quarterback for an NFL team. His future looks as bright as the SUN….yeah I guess you’re right Shamsky, God took a big old dump on his head….u huh By the way, how does loving Jesus Christ, being a very charitable person, building an orphanage in the Philippines, and helping and inspiring kids all over the world make him “self-righteous”???…You and I must have two different meanings for the word!!

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