For once, Bill’s head is louder than his heart. He’s wrote a new column on ESPN about the NBA Finals, and no, he’s not raving over Kevin Garnett being MVP or giving fans another mercurial comparison between the ’07 Celtics to the greatest team of all time, the ’86 Celtics. No.

He’s already picked the Los Angeles Lakers to win the NBA Finals.

While that’s all fine and dandy, folks, look back at who this guy he: he’s labeled as THE Boston Sports Guy. He kills us with Patriots and Red Sox love yearly. This year, he wouldn’t stop giving too much love for Boston. I felt like banging my head against the wall after he wrote that utterly stupid column making the case about Garnett being the MVP.

I had a Lakers fan last night say to me, “Man, I really wouldn’t be disappointed if the Celtics beat the Lakers. I mean, KG does deserve a ring, after all.” And you, sir, deserve a foot in the ass. If I had the emotional fortitude to say that, after all the Celtics have been through, that I’d be happy if they DIDN’T go out there and grab number 17, and ensuing to say that Kobe deserved a post-Shaq ring, I’d have to be gladly to take a 100+ MPH fastball to the face. Especially after watching Kobe tear up my Spurs like the way my aunt’s boyfriend tore down beers [and getting incredibly wasted] a couple of weeks ago.

You know he’s been in SoCal too long when he starts writing things like this. I thought his Clippers obsession was cute, but this is ridiculous. I think if these playoffs have taught us anything it is that anything can happen in a seven game series (I learned that in the Dallas/Golden State series last season). Maybe we just need to fly in some Laker Girls to distract Kobe.

Ah, I guess this is Simmons’ reverse-jinx gig.

Lakers shmakers – Let’s watch the Celtics dispose of LA like the second rate dynasty they are.


3 thoughts on “Bill Simmons is Nucking Futs

  1. Lots of folks on the Lakers bandwagon in the blog world today. I don’t really know yet who to favor, but let me offer my condolences for the Spurs’ season coming to an end. That being said, ABC and the NBA both got the match-up they would have picked if they had the chance before the season even started. However, these ain’t your father’s Lakers and Celtics and a whole new rivalry begins Thursday night. Sure, we’ll drown in all the clips of Magic vs. Bird, etc. but at the end of the day the ball will go up and it will be a brand new era. As for the Spurs, I don’t think for a minute they are “done,” but they should retool and not stand pat. That conference is a killer.

  2. I do think the Spurs are going to go out and grab a few young guys a lot of people have not heard of. Possibly [or probably?] a couple of international players in the process. I really wished they would have kept Scola. Game one could have been different. Oh well. One more reason for me to loathe the Lakers.

    I’m pumped for Thursday night. That’s for sure.

  3. I’m a Spurs fan too. It’s really a shame that Manu didn’t play. Despite what the media will tell you about the “greatness” of this Lakers team (they ARE good), I think the Spurs with a healthy Manu would’ve taken it in 6. I say that with a totally sober and straight face. 3 out of the 4 losses was anybody’s game up to the closing minutes and all of them Manu was a shadow of his former self. The lone win by the Spurs was when Manu played more like Manu, but still not even close…he just made a bunch of threes.

    I really don’t know who to go for because if Kobe wins, then that finally gives the Jordan comparisons legitimacy…and while he’s become a lot better, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to root for him. His cocky arrogance, intentionally half-assing games to prove a point (a regular season game against Sacramento a few years back and a GAME 7 PLAYOFF GAME against Phoenix in 2006), and demanding trades/taking it back/demanding trades again while insulting teammates….I actually wanted to like him too.

    On the other hand, if Boston wins, Ray Allen wins…and I really don’t like that over-rated, whiny guy who thinks he’s a lot better than he is. And while I have nothing major against KG, I won’t be able to stand the comparisons he will get to Duncan if he wins one — people will be wondering how many rings he would’ve gotten if he had a Ginobili or Parker. (Duncan won one with Avery Johnson as his starting PG.)

    But…I think the kicker lies in the fact that I live in Southern California/Lakerland. I won’t be able to stand all the ridiculous hype and overblown talk of the Lakers if they win one. If I lived anywhere else, I actually think I would prefer the Lakers win.

    So I think I’m going for Boston.

    Ah….I just can’t wait until the Spurs come back and win one in the odd-numbered year next season.

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