What is the measure of greatness? I’ll tell you. It’s all in urine. Yes. Piss. Urine. Pee. Whatever the hell you’d rather call it of those three (unless you’re a scientific nerd). This is my scaling on the Paul Pierce Piss scale on how to determine a well-done-piss contrasted to the well-done-game-played:

Three stars is the max. One star is the lowest.

The ***3*** Star Piss: This is the most pissing of them all. It’s the piss of all pisses. Say you chug five bottles of water (or Coke or Pepsi or Mountain Dew or something else) and you hold it in for a solid six hours. This ultimately will make you jog to the bathroom. Jog as in, huffing and puffing, fist pumping on the way to the little boy’s room, since you can’t run, because the water/Coke/Pepsi/MD has busted your balls (pun intended) and you need to hurry and get there. Jogging is the only option.

As soon as you get into the bathroom, you flip open the toilet seat and automatically place your right hand on the wall as you lean over, face down with your head looking right into the toilet bowl, as you can’t help but to let it stream. As ‘it’ streams you can’t help but to laugh. Not a happy laugh — even though you are filled with elation — but a laugh of one that you hear in a movie, one of those evil laughs of pure excitement.

The **2** Star Piss: This piss is the average of all averages. It’s the piss where you’re able to hold it in for a little while but you have the ability to run — not jog — this time. The walk is non existent. The run is existent. The pain in the piss gets you going, but it’s a mile lower than the ***3*** Star Piss, in my opinion, anywho. The **2** Star Piss is beatable, but that doesn’t mean you have to work to get to the bathroom; you may be standing half the time you would be standing for the ***3*** Star Piss.

The *1* Star Piss: This is your average piss. It doesn’t do you any good on the Piss Scale (‘wish I had a TM logo). The *1* Star Piss is for wimps who like to take a leak 30-45 minutes after one another. It’s no threat to you.

The moral of the story is this: I don’t believe Paul Pierce is a “great” defender, in terms of locking down anyone or anybody that steps into his way (that credit goes to teammate James Posey, or it should), so I consider him a **2** Star Pisser. However, he can show flashes of the ***3*** Star Piss at times, there’s no doubt about it. But on the average day, it’s the ***3*** Star Piss of Pierce that’s exemplified on the court.


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