Listen up, folks; this is going to be the third blog post about Bill Simmons in TSTOS history and the first one of 2008. Feel free to indulge this historical milestone of significance and allow me to further elaborate my thoughts on the Worldwide Leader’s Sports Guy.
You see, I’m a pretty big advocate of Bill Simmons. I read every single one of his columns (even if they’re painstakingly. . . oh, whoa, wait, hold up, Troy, we’ll get to the tough stuff in a bit) and check out The Sports Guy’s World on the Worldwide Leader’s website every other day to see if he has updated it with anything interesting. I find what he writes to be interesting and I enjoy listening to what he has to say, for an outlet opinion and all. Otherwise I wouldn’t have written two [now three] columns about the guy.
However, there’s something that is indelible about Simmons’ columns over the past few years. Bloggers alike myself have been quick to note it — his arrogance when it comes to Boston sports. Now, I don’t mind the nascent Celtics love that has come about over the past five months (since I’m an obvious Celtics fan/homer myself), but it’s the Patriots/Red Sox love that drives me off the wall and splatters me onto concrete floor. During the NFL season, he wrote so many innocuous things about the Patriots (well, it was pretty tough to say anything bad about them, asides from Spygate) that it nearly caused ESPN to turn into a site that was sponsored by the Patriots itself.
Tom Brady is so great that he should have an award named after him this, Tom Brady is so great that he makes Randy Moss a hybrid Jerry Rice/Randy Moss that. It’s just bad enough to read that junk all the time when I could have read any column by other ESPN columnists about how damn good the Patriots were playing. Simmons is a fan, and I understand that, but for the love of God, please do have some fantegrity (derived from integrity). The only column I recall that I enjoyed reading about the Patriots from Simmons this past year was when the Patriots lost to the Giants in Super Bowl XLII. And reading the beginning, which is exactly what was like when he wrote about when the Pats beat the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI (I have Simmons’ book Now I can Die in Peace, and it’s one of two of the hardest chapters to read, as a St. Louis sports fan), where Simmons turns it into a twist and writes about U2’s Beautiful Day and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers’ Free Fallin’. That’s the only thing I was amused at, six years to the day the Rams were upset by the Pats, Simmons felt the same pain as I did. Nar har har.
What about the Red Sox? Not as bad as the Patriots, but he wrote on and on about their astonishing pitching and the marvelous ball play they produced night in and night out. Jeez. Every mentioning of Josh Beckett and his wonderfulness made me think I was reading a blog that was written by a teen girl marveling over some male actor (Sorry Bill, but I had to go there and compare you to a teen a girl).
So, you readers may be wondering why I even bothered with the Boston-based articles he wrote. Well, it’s a simple explanation — I needed something to read when I was bored out of my freakin’ mind. What else did you expect me to do? I could have decided to not read, but I want to, especially because Simmons is one of my favorite writers out there, even if he’s almost more homertistic than I am (he probably is, even I wasn’t crazy enough — or homer enough — to anoint Kevin Garnett as the NBA’s MVP) when he’s writing about his boys. However, Simmons is forgivable. All the columns that he’s written that people have hated and jeered for the past couple of years is easily forgivable. You have to understand that it’s fodder for Boston fans and fodder for the haters to take in and indulge on a whim. I have to wonder if he blatantly is a fanboy by intending to make some people out there angry upon reading his writing.
I guess it’s a Sports Guy Myth.