As I did for my 2007 MLB Season Preview, I’m going to post my predictions of the 2007-2008 NFL season. I’ll try to diss my own team, the Rams, as much as possible, just to make those who read my blog and absolutely hate the nauseating love and bias that I show to my own team. However, I criticize them more than you think. Therefore, let’s get this rolling.

30.) Won’t Happen: Randy Moss argues with Tom Brady in more than two games this season.

29.) Won’t Happen: The San Fransisco 49ers win the NFC West

28.) Will Happen: The Cleveland Browns finish last in the AFC North

27.) Won’t Happen: Michael Vick stops all of the lackluster interviews and speaks to the media thoroughly and one-hundred percent clearly without any of the “yeah…yo, we here in A-T-L have it planned to the playoffs and it’s on me, baby, it’s on me!”

26.) Will Happen: LaDainian Tomlinson maintains his status as the best tailback in the league by popular choice.

25.) Will Happen: You will see over 40,000 ‘Fire Matt Millen’ signs, respectively.

24.) Won’t Happen: The Rams rush d appears in the bottom 5 of the league.

25.) Will Happen: Donovan McNabb starts at least 12 games.

24.) Won’t Happen: Brett Favre retires at the end of the season.

23.) Will Happen: The Jets, being under the radar, stun general NFL fans and a lot of noise going into the playoffs.

22.) Will Happen: Giants fans improvise a new warcry: “Tiki, coooooooooome back!”

21.) Won’t Happen: Shaun Alexander visits an orthodontist

20.) Won’t Happen: Marc Bulger is protected extremely well all season long.

19.) Will Happen: Carson Palmer leads the league in passing yards

18.) Won’t Happen: Dennis Green, as an analyst, speaks of the “They were who we though they were!” raging comment.

17.) Will Happen: Rex Grossman gets jacked up by the Packers’ Ryan Pickett and is forced to miss 5 games.

18.) Won’t Happen: Taveras Jackson shuts up everyone, including myself, who doubts him.

17.) Will Happen: Jeff Garcia succeeds more than what people are expecting of him during his Tampa Bay stay

16.) Will Happen: Vince Young appears pissed off over accepting to grace the cover of Madden ’08, and the Titans miss the playoffs for the fourth consecutive season.

15.) Won’t Happen: Terrell Owens goes off on Wade Phillips on the sidelines, screaming and yelling while the veins in his forehead start bulging.

14.) Will Happen: Brady Quinn throws 18 INT’s for his Rookie campaign

13.) Will Happen: JaMarcus Russell begins to show how overhyped he was coming into the draft, especially hurting himself by playing in a Raiders uniform — not too much fun, I bet.

12.) Won’t Happen: Steven Jackson has himself another 90-reception season.

11.) Will Happen: The Cowboys make the playoffs as a Wildcard team.

10.) Won’t Happen: The Redskins relieve and dismiss all defensive struggles.

9.) Will Happen: The Arizona Cardinals prove, once again, that their hype from the past 4-5 seasons is overdue and people need to just slide them under the radar, as they miss the playoffs, however they do improve as team.

8.) Will Happen: Donald Driver has a big season.

7.) Won’t Happen: The Packers have a completely enthralling, amazing, ecstatic, season for their veteran QB, Brett Favre.

6.) Will Happen: The Rams pass-or-run style of play confuses the hell out of many of their opponents with the duo of either handing off to Steven Jackson or [Rookie] Brian Leonard.

5.) Will Happen: The Ravens defense stays in par and in harmony in terms of playing as well as they did last season despite losing Adalius Thomas.

4.) Won’t Happen: The Jaguars give the Colts a run for their money at the AFC South title.

3.) Won’t Happen: Trent Green steps into a Dolphins jersey and plays Marino-esque.

2.) Will Happen: Shawne Merriman absolutely annoys us all, again, with all of his idiotic Lights Out “I am constipated” dance jitters, breaking his own unwritten record of 2006.

1.) Won’t Happen: The New England Patriots win Super Bowl XLII.


3 thoughts on “NFL: Will/Won’t Happens of the 2007-2008 Season

  1. This is a very amusing list. Mind if I link to it? Didn’t think so.

    By the way, I wouldn’t mind cooperating in some future posts regarding Rams vs. Seahawks matchups. Drop me a vine if you’re interested.

    Again, great stuff!

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