This is what happens to you when you’re practically sound asleep at 1AM typing on your keyboard on a desk that’s not so steady.
I apologize for the bundle of spelling errors that are gonna pop up as this blog post goes on. Anyhow, here’s my little unique perspective of terrible, or ‘not-too-good’, NBA teams, summing them up individually in a sentence or two, capped by a division. I’ll explain which division means which.
The John Goodman Division (Not the actor. Some other cat.)
There is only room for one team in this division. The team is usually moody, a loner and a bit of a whack. To be more brief and brevly concise, the team is usually coached horribly and has no business being in the league. They sit alone at the bottom of the pack.
The Peter King Division
This division consists of two teams with an idiotic head coach. He is either brainless and clueless on how to draw up a play or he simply doesn’t know how to get his team ready to step out onto the hardwood.
The hybrid Tiki Barber, Michael Strahan, Shaun Alexander Division
Known as “the Gap,” the Tiki Barber, Michael Strahan, Shaun Alexander Division comprises of the two other teams that are a little far — but not too far — from the three worst teams in the league. These two clubs are notorious for inept play by turning the ball over and careless mistakes.
Without further-afreakin-ado: Let’s roll!
The John Goodman Division
The New York Knicks — What can you say about the hapless Knicks? They have a tumultuous point guard in Stephon Marbury, two big men in the post (everyone’s favorite thug, Zach Randolph, and shipman Eddy Curry) that can’t play defense to save their lives, and of course — Isiah Thomas — the unanimous No. 1 Douchebag of 2007 (chosen by yours truly).
The Peter King Division
The Minnesota Timberwolves — Minnesota fans are definitely banging their heads around watching Kevin Garnett showcase his talent in Boston — but let me say this: I bet they’re probably going nuts over that Foye-for-Roy deal last year, too.
The Miami Heat — I remember in 2005 when the Heat acquired Fatoine Walker, Jason Williams and James Posey. I know there’s Gary Payton and yaddee-yaddee-yah, but I’m talking about the three main entrees that people loved dishing out so much in ‘05 predicting that title. They won the title. But look at the pathway of attrition they’ve cycled through now. They have a deadweight contract in Shaquille O’Neal until 2010. A bunch of old bastards sitting around on the bench. Oh, and Pat Riley — do I need to say anything? He’s nothing more than mediocre in my eyes.
The hybrid Tiki Barber, Michael Strahan, Shaun Alexander Division
Charlotte Bobcats — Hey, Charlotte, I was a big fan of Walter Hermann. I was all for you guys keeping Brandan Wright (even if he was a Tar Heel) and not trading for the poor man’s Vince Carter aka Jason Richardson. And what was wrong with Primoz Brezec? MJ [Michael Jordan] was one hell of a basketball player, but he’s putting the Bobcats IN hell with these idiotic moves with GM Rod Higgins. Nazr Mohammed’s contract doesn’t run out until 2010 or 2011. He’s a below average player, in my mind, and wasn’t worth giving up Hermann and Brezec so easy to the Pistons. But y’know what they say — idiots will be idiots and good teams will be good teams. Oh, nobody says that, I just made it up, but it’s true.
The Memphis Grizzles – 30th defensively in the league? Are you kidding me? I know somebody in the OH-SO “NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION” has to be 30th in the league defensively, but come on, you’re professionals! Oh well, like I said: someone has to be last in the L defensively.
3 Comments
January 9, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Troy, I am crushed you did not include my hometown Sixers. We certainly hate them here. By the way, what’s up with the other site…haven’t had anything since the Thanksgiving post there and every time I check that site out I see that post and want turkey. Are you back to only hittin’ up Troy’s Thoughts with new material?
January 10, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I thought about it, but just didn’t include them in the cut. I was eating crow last night, as the Bobcats — worst road team in the league — defeated the Celtics — best home team in the league. But, any given day. Anybody can win. That’s still a true-to-itself value in sports. There’s never a promise. At least we can still look at that aspect of things.
You’re right. I need to update the other blog. But where the Holidays following Thanksgiving ensued, and the fact that I was succumbing to buying loads and loads of gifts, I forgot about both TSTOS and TSW. I’ll make a rusty attempt to get back to TSW when I get a good chance.
January 10, 2008 at 10:34 pm
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